What to Expect 1/23: Ryan Theriot is Dominican & 43 years old

admin / January 24, 2012 / No comments

TUESDAY: Ryan Theriot: Dominican and 43 years old.

With the news of Fausto Carmona and Leo Nunez actually being named something else and being older than reported, the flood gates have opened and Ryan Theriot is the latest MLB player in question.

“He is actually named Arnaud Ramirez and is 43 years old. He was born in the city of La Romana of the Dominican Republic.” Said an unnamed MLB source.

Currently a free agent in the MLB, Theriot (Arnaud Ramirez) is listed at 32 years of age and a native of Baton Rouge,LA (in the official MLB player guide). He is yet to latch onto a MLB team and if this new is true, the market for a slap hitting 43 year old shortstop might be limited now that Omar Vizquel is gaining interest from Toronto.

Theriot has denied these claims and refused any other comment but here at The Final Play; we know it’s true.

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What to Expect 1/20: Nate Kaeding Spotted at Underworld Awakening Premiere

admin / January 20, 2012 / No comments

FRIDAY: This evening Nate Kaeding was spotted at the Hollywood premiere for the new film in the Underworld Series, Underworld Awakening.

The movie series “Underworld” is huge among the virgin-nerd community and Nate Kaeding definitely feels he is no different.

“I played a lot of Halo and watched Underworld during the regular season.” Said Kaeding (who injured himself on the opening kickoff of the NFL season). “Kate Beckinsale definitely gives me chubs.”

Kaeding, a source of hatred for football fans everywhere, found it hard to make public appearances.

“People would throw anything they could at me for “ruining their fantasy season”, tomatoes, shoes, glass bottles, bullets……But I knew only a few people would recognize me among all these stupid nerds.”

Nothing was thrown at Kaeding that night and was actually asked to autograph someone’s shoes.

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What to Expect 1/18: Charles Barkley Relapses and Collapses at Candy Store

admin / January 18, 2012 / No comments

WEDNESDAY: “Lose like a man”

That was Charles Barkleys’ catch phrase for his Weight Watcher endorsement that abruptly ended Wednesday afternoon. Around 1:34pm, Charles Barkley and (for some reason) Jeff Feagles entered a candy store located near TNT studios.

“He was very angry.” said an employee at the candy store “He grabbed a plastic bag and just started emptying the candy silos into the bag, he smelled like rotten chocolate milk.”

Barkley reportedly binged on candy for 6-8 minutes before collapsing in diabetic shock. Jeff Feagles used his ipad to report it to 911 but soon fled the scene. Feagles’ current whereabouts are unknown.

Barkley was quickly taken to the local hospital and there is no timetable for his release.

“Picture a small balloon being filled with jelly beans…way too many jelly beans. It will eventually pop. That’s what we have going on with Mr. Barkley’s stomach, along with the diabeties…” said Barkleys’ surgeon.

 

 

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What to Expect 1/17: Andris Beidrins and Antwan Jamison Arrested During Tonight’s Game.

admin / January 17, 2012 / No comments

TUESDAY: Before tonight’s game, most of the discussion was Kyrie Irving and Monta Ellis, during the game it was Biedrins and Jamison, a matchup that ended in BLOODSHED!

Midway through the second quarter, Warriors center Andris Biedrins attempted a 360 one-handed reverse dunk but was viciously fouled by Antwan Jamison of the Cavilers. Andris, with 4 fouls already, got up off the ground and started yelling at Jamison in Latvian slang.

“Suudu Ruukis! Suudu Ruukis!” Biedrins was heard yelling, which means “Poo Dwarf” in his native Latvian language.

Antwan Jamison doesn’t know Latvian, but as Jamison team mate Booby Gibson phrased it, “He knows when someone be talkin junk!”

The two got in a heated shouting match and things quickly got out of hand. Jamison grabbed the basketball from the official and threw it at Beidrins’ head.

Beidrins surprisingly dodged it and returned with a manly slap to the face of Jamison. Jamison hit the floor with a loud “THUD”. Beidrins then picked up Jamison by the neck and choke slammed him to back onto the hardwood floor.

This is when Jamison pulled out a concealed weapon from his sock. The weapon was a dagger that he used to slice Beidrins in the knee. Stadium police soon then separated the two and escorted them to their police transport vehicles.

They are both day-to-day with pending criminal charges. (The Warriors ended up winning).

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What to Expect 1/16: Drew Stubbs to be cover athlete of Korean Baseball Game

admin / January 17, 2012 / No comments

MONDAY: Korean video game developers “GameVil” announced Monday morning that Cinncinatti Reds outfielder Drew Stubbs will be their first MLB athlete to represent the franchise.

The game Stubbs will be the cover athlete for is named “Baseball Superstars 2012” and will be released on the ITunes store and android market in a few weeks.

“He’s the kind of player that embodies everything our game/app represents.” said founder of “GameVil” Byung Joon Song (James Song) said.

This is the first year user will be able to use an actual MLB athlete; prior releases have been randomly generated players/teams. It’s a RPG baseball game that stresses the importance of training on and off the field and rewards the user with “G-Points” that can be used to improve the player/team.

“Im honored to be part of this game.” said Stubbs “Even though my character is a 2D anime cartoon, the resemblance is uncanny.”

Users that purchase the game in its first week of release will receive a Drew Stubbs bobble head (In a Korean GameVil uniform).

Due to MLB constraints, GameVil is prohibited from using real MLB teams. They decided to let Drew Stubbs create his own Korean baseball team for the game.

“People have given me a lot of suggestions, probably my favorite would be The Gwangyang Styrofoam Monsters” said Stubbs.

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What to Expect 1/13: Grady Sizemore Already Hurt

admin / January 13, 2012 / No comments

FRIDAY: For many of us, grocery shopping is a relatively “safe” activity. Not for someone like Grady Sizemore.

The once “next great ball player” has been on and off the field from a pleathera of miscellaneous injuries for the last 3-4 years and will miss up to 11 months with what Cleveland officials are calling “A devastatingly serious groin tear.”

He apparently did not slip on a liquid but rather had a spontaneous muscle twitch that lead to an extreme bodily reaction that resulted in the historic “grocery-store” groin tear we heard about today.

“I was reaching for some beef jerky and “it” happened” said Sizemore

“Other than that, I have no comment”

This will be Grady Sizemore’s thrid major groin surgery in three years.

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What to Expect 1/12: Mark Jackson “We let Dwight score 54 points on purpose.”

admin / January 12, 2012 / No comments

THURSDAY: Few words describe the Warriors awful play this evening versus the Orlando Magic, but Mark Jackson’s comments might help explain…

“There no question about it, we let Dwight do that on purpose.”

With all the rumors surrounding Golden State being ”somewhat” of a suitor for Howard, there was speculation that the Warriors “threw” tonight’s game in an effort to “please Mr. Howard.”

In case you missed it, Dwight Howard had a career game (54 points to go along with 54 rebounds).

“We want him to come here with a great attitude (if he does come here) and we thought there wouldn’t be a better way to make that possible than playing absolutely no defense, which was very easy for our team. Let’s face it, we need Dwight for the long run, this season is already over.” said Jackson.

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What to Expect 1/11: Tom Coughlin: “Would Vaseline Work?”

admin / January 11, 2012 / No comments

WEDNESDAY: Reporters laughed during Tom Coughlin’s weekly press conference when he turned the tables on the press and asked them what they think would “help his skin survive the frostbite of Green Bay.”

“I’ve had this problem before” Coughlin said

“My skin is very fragile and the weather conditions leave my skin brittle and in pain after the game….it’s not pleasant. Do any of you know what might help?”

A distant voice was heard yelling “…Vaseline!”

Couglin humored the idea which lead to the soon-to-be infamous line, “Would Vaseline Work?”

Coughlin will have to worry about more than covering his face in vasoline if he wants to beat the Packers at home this weekend.

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The Best Fantasy Football Trash Talking Video EVER!

admin / December 16, 2011 / No comments

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Tebow, 49ers/Cardinals, & FatBidz.com!

admin / December 12, 2011 / No comments

On The Final Play PODCAST we are joined by the guys at FatBidz.com, Wyatt Forrest and Reid Forrest, Reid is a former Washington State University and Buffalo Bills Punter. We talk Wazzu football and their new action style website!

Also, the 49ers somehow managed to lose to the Arizona Cardnials & John Skelton, how did it happen? We’ll break it all down for you.

Plus Tim Tebow continues his excellence, NBA hoopla, and MORE!

Check out the podcast!

TFP Podcast! [ 1:54:45 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download
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